Here’s to 2012

Here’s to 2012, a year I certainly will not be forgetting any time soon. Its not been the best of years but it’s still been a memorable year. I have so many fond memories and I’ve made a load of friends that I hope will stay with me for years to come. If I went back to this time last year I wouldn’t have imagined that the year would have gone how it did.

Here’s whats happened for those of you who wanna know:

  • I came out
  • I got a girlfriend
  • started my GCSEs
  • had my first kiss
  • got dumped (twice)

Have a great 2013 🙂

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OH MY GOD!!!!

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD I’M GOING TO SEE JOHN GREEN!!! I AM GOING TO SEE MY FAVOURITE WRITER IN JUST OVER A MONTH AND I’M SO EXCITED! I AM SEEING BOTH OF THE VLOG BROTHERS!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE SOO BLOODY AMAZING AND I CAN’T WAIT AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED!! ITS GONNA BE SO FUN!

(OH AND MY CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN)

 

I will wait

First of all I am sorry for not blogging in yonks, I’ve just not been in the mood to create or write at all recently.

I’d like to say this is inspired by a person, and when they read it I can only hope they know that it is for them.

I will wait, I will wait for you. I don’t know why I chose to wait. I don’t have to wait but for some reason I still chose to, every time you leave I wait for you to come back. Sometimes for a few minutes other times I wait for days. But in the end it is worth the waiting, it always will be. Because I know waiting for the little things is going to pay off. And I know one day I won’t have to wait. I won’t have to wait because you’ll be here. I won’t have to wait for you to come back because you’ll never leave, well not for long. Don’t ask me how I know. Just trust me. Just have faith that all of this mindless optimism is leading to something great. Something we cannot yet imagine, and when it happens you’ll know. It’ll sneak up on you. It will happen the way you fall asleep; slowly then all at once. When it happens it’ll be like the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. One we have both been walking for a while now. But in a way having somebody to walk with you makes it less scary. As if the dark got a little lighter. When that something happens we will be able to stay out of the tunnel. I wish that day would hurry up and come. But until that day am content with knowing that it will.

And until that day I will wait.

Why

We do we always want things we know we can never have? I wish I knew, I wish I could stop wanting things that I know I can never have. I wish I could stop falling for the people I have no chance with, I wish I could just have the few things I do want, even of only for a day

The quiet little girl who never stopped watching..

Why her? Why the quiet little girl who never stopped watching? Was it because she loved you? Was it because she knew what was coming? Because you felt she was the only one who ever understood you? But have you ever thought as to why she never stopped watching? Of course you haven’t.. Because you were so busy that it never occurred to you that there might have been a reason other than because she loved you. Maybe all along she was teaming up with the demons inside of you. The ones who come when the rest of the world is sleeping. The ones who get inside of your head and only leave when the sun has risen and the world can see you again, they come back every night but nobody will believe you. They all think its all in your head, but what do they know.. She says it’s just in your head, that she will try to fix you, but that won’t happen. The demons never go for long. When she is there you hide it. Can she see the horror hidden in your eyes?

It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes

 

This was inspired by a monologue one of my best friends wrote, hope you enjoyed it nearly as much as I enjoyed hers

tears are shed

Tears are shed, sadness spread. We say it will be the last time but it won’t. Far from it. Because no matter how obvious it is that we should learn from our mistakes we still make them over and over again. We fall for that girl we know we shouldn’t fall for. We do something stupid. We fly too close to the sun and get burnt.. So why do we do it? Why do we go back for more when all that’s waiting is regret and hurt. Why do we manage to mess up every time? I wish I knew, because I am tired of getting it all wrong. I guess mistakes are what make us human though. Love will never be perfect, because we all have those huge flaws. Even the most perfect people do, so those of us who are just average must be full of them..

I don’t know any more..

I thought I had my life all sorted, I had a plan of what I wanted out of life. Go to uni, get a good job,find the perfect girl and with any luck marry her. Then it dawned on me. I only have 3 years of education left, and to be honest I am freaking out about it just a little bit. I’m nearly an adult now but even though I’ve got the plan I have, in reality, no idea what I’m gonna do with my life. And even though I have the plan it is so unlikely that what I want to happen will happen. I mean things change so quickly, about 25 days ago I thought I had found the one, now I’m pining for a different girl who unfortunately doesn’t feel the same. And I am glad that things went the way they did but it happened so fast. A little too fast for my taste. But everything seems to be going so fast these days. The last 3 or 4 years of my life have just been a whirlwind of chance, and every time I think the wind is slowing down it speeds back up again. But that is what life is I guess, one change after another. It is never going to stop changing though, no matter how much we wish that it would.

Try

I will be there for you. I can’t say I will always be the best, or anything close to it. I can’t say I will make everything better. But I will try my best. That is all I have to offer; my best. Saying that I always have the answers would be a lie, but I’d try to find them. In the end the best person isn’t always the prettiest or the smartest. Sometimes far from it. They are the person who tries. The person who tries as hard as they can to make your day. Be it with flowers, a simple good morning,, or maybe with a grand gesture. Sometimes people go for the prettiest people, or at school the popular people. But they might not the best.. Sometimes the best people are the ones you never thought would be the best ones, until you saw them in a different light. Until your eyes were opened and then you realised. And maybe it’s the hopeless romantic in me talking but I’m glad my eyes were opened when they were

Title is optional

Hmmm so every time I try to not have a title on a post wordpress gives it a bloody title anyway, so for the purpose of me not wanting to throw my laptop half way across the room this post has an awful title.

Well today anti bullying week is over, but for many the bullying will not stop. We have one week of awareness a year but after that the issue goes back into the shadows. Its a shame really but that is just how it works. For years we are told that bullying is wrong, but all the same it never stops, it just keeps on going. Some people are just cruel or closed minded, maybe that’s why it carries on. Maybe its because people don’t do enough to try and stop it. The problem is it is a vicious cycle, if you keep quiet it carries on and although telling an adult may help it can also make the problem far worse. People say it gets better but when you are the victim it can be hard to figure out when exactly it will get better.. I can’t really say that I have been a victim of bullying in the past few years, but I have learnt that not everybody is as nice as I would have once hoped. I once thought in this day and age people would be accepting of the fact that some people aren’t straight. Unfortunately that isn’t the case. Some people still don’t agree with it. There are people who say the LGBT community just make it worse for themselves, so would somebody please be kind enough to explain what I did that give people the right to tell me I am disgusting, and that I deserve a punch in the face for liking girls. Please, somebody enlighten me because I haven’t a clue as to why I deserve this. I am myself and that is all. The sad thing is there are people like me who have suffered so much more than I have, and people out there are so filled with hate that they are prepared to kill..

Anti bullying week may be over but the bullying continues..

DFTBA

That one song

Well if this is love then love is easy, its the easiest thing to do

We all have those songs that always cheer us up, no matter what our mood is. Maybe they remind us of somebody or they just sound upbeat, maybe they have a special meaning. But either way each of had that one special song. That one song that helps us forget about everything and just makes it all okay. Even though sometimes it could be a crappy song it doesn’t matter, because it makes us happy. And it doesn’t matter what other people think as long as it makes us happy.

In the last year I have gotten through a lot of songs that make me happy, some sounded amazing at first but got old after a while and there are one or two that just bring back too many memories. Its a shame I can’t listen to them any more, but unfortunately memories make me cry all to often. And what is the point in listening to a song if it makes you want to cry. Well there isn’t really..

Either way there are two songs I can always rely on to cheer me up, even though my choices may seem a little bizarre. The first song was introduced to me by one of the people I couldn’t cope without, my friend Megan, and it is called the pope song. For anybody who is a catholic I wouldn’t reccomend listening to this one, its pretty Anti-Pope. And the other is Love is Easy by McFly, yes I know its cheesy but I like it 🙂

So do you have a song that always cheers you up?

DFTBA